Sometimes when you're in the depths, it's easy to overlook the reasons you're responding so strongly. And then you might wonder if you're "doing it right."
Whether it's before the death or other loss, or after, why are your feelings so deep? Or, why is the need to do something so strong? Why do you feel off balance? Why is this so darned hard?!
The main thing you're aware of, of course, is that your person or pet will be – or already is – physically gone from your side. But you're losing far more than that. Those are called "secondary" losses.
There are many secondary losses. Physical touch. Your history together. Someone to talk with, plan with, do things with, rely on. The comfort of having another being around. The fact of being connected with this person. The list can be quite long.
If the person is part of your immediate family, there are all the practical things: What have they been responsible for? How do/did they contribute to the family? How will your identity change when they are no longer with you?
What will you miss? What do you miss?
If it's your animal companion, you may miss the joy of seeing them moving naturally and freely - and in the case of horses, joining them in movement. Perhaps the pleasure of teaching them - and learning how - to communicate as a team for fun or competition. Or simply the calm of watching them at rest.
Each relationship is different, so your list will be personal to you.
The process of getting used to the idea of a death or loss – either before or after – is far more complex than simply losing someone's physical presence in your life. That's why grief can feel so overwhelming and take so much time to subside.
You're going though a very complex change. Remember to be good to yourself. And if you're still worried about whether you're coping or grieving the "right" way, let's talk.
May you make time to identify and honor all that has come from your relationship with this special being.